It snowed yesterday. The snow was delightful, yet a reminder that I wouldn’t be getting married in a wintery wonderland to Peter on the 14th. When I got engaged I started dreaming of the snow falling during our wedding. The snow falling in its ever serene, yet peaceful way. The snow that hadn’t been disturbed by vehicles, snowplows, or the brown melting color snow can get. The church and wedding venue all decorated in a glittery, Christmas wonderland with polka dots incorporated of course.
Instead yesterday I wanted to go outside and play in the snow true Iowan style and take pictures in the snow. Pictures while we were laughing, smiling, and having fun.
I wanted to fully capture my first Oregon snow with real smiles not fake ones. I wanted to capture it not just in my memories or with my iPhone camera, but with an actual camera. I was disappointed. Because not only were we not going to capture an Iowa Winter Wonderland together we failed to capture an Oregon Winter Wonderland together too.
Peter isn’t a mind reader and didn’t have the same expectations of what photos in the snow meant. It frustrated me and I fell into a selfish state where even when he tried to go outside to take pictures I didn’t want to because I felt hurt that he didn’t know what I wanted.
Isn’t that so true, ladies? We want our guy to know exactly what we want when we want it and to ensure it has the bow tied just right when he gives it to us…and when we don’t get it we get frustrated and can break down if we don’t realize that men are indeed not as smart as us women and have not yet learned to read minds.
Instead of growing angry I should have asked Peter what he wanted. I was so lost in what I wanted and how I wanted it that I forgot that I was dating someone who also has desires, hopes, and dreams.
As I broke into a million tears (maybe a slight exaggeration) some while he was still here and others after he left. God began to show me that His dreams for me of a wedding and my first Oregon snow day pictures were even better. I don’t know what that entails, nor can I envision it right now. But I do know that God wants me to dream about a marriage that is more beautiful than my wedding. A marriage that glorifies Him. A wedding that isn’t focused on myself, but on glorifying God. And to enjoy the snow day rather than worrying about capturing it all on camera with the perfect smiling faces.
So I’m giving God my broken dreams again and receiving His dreams. His dreams for my life are far better and they’ve already proven that way.
Back to the snow, the snow yesterday reminded me to let God wash me white as snow. To wash away the anger, hurt, brokenness, crushed dreams, pride, selfishness, and so much more. Hopefully you’ll let God wash you white as snow too.
Isaiah 1:18: 18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Let God remove the horror story replaying in your mind of a broken relationship, engagement, or marriage or even a failed attempt at a fun snow day. Turn to Him and let Him heal your heart. Let go of your pride and let go of your selfishness and let God in.